Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
