my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
