I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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