i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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