puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
