when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize