mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
