also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
