Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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