update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
