He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
tell me about the eggs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
