I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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