The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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