I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
