U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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