it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
how do you play pong handcuffed?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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