would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
