ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
then he tried to convert me to islam
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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