I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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