If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
