Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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