I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
