3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
