Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
