I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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