By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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