there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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