so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
