so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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