Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
