Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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