Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
