Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
