I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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