remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
