You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
