So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
