Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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