You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
