My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize