i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
