I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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