she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
