i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
