how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
