Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize