since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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