Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
