would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
