And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
