I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize