Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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