So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
