I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize