Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize