from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
