im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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