You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
