i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
