There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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