I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
