Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
