I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
