Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
