i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
