Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
