the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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