Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
