we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
