I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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