K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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