thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
