You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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