dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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