i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
