it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
