A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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