i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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