good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
