so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can Purell be used as lube?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I am morally bankrupt
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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