so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
