She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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