He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
