Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
