Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
