I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
