Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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