he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
