Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
