I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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