It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
