wrigley field is MILF paradise
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
