I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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