The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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