And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
