Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
